cold as a witch's teat

Title of this entry is a line from a movie is an old New Englander saying. Well, at least that's where I first heard it.

Current time: Six eighteen o'clock in the morning.

Current weather for Tampa Florida: Seventy-nine degrees farenheit and clear, no wind.

I checked the weather for Dayville Connecticut (as I do almost daily) at this time of the day, and it's forty-five frickin' degrees farenheit, i.e. COLD. That's thirteen degrees away from freezing and it isn't even October yet. I'd be willing to bet that in less than a month that region is going to get at least a few sub-freezing nights, which will then turn into freezing-all-day days later on as the winter season hits.

The reason I check the weather is to remind myself where I am and how fortunate I am to be here. Make no mistake, I feel truly blessed to be here and have no doubt about that whatsoever.

Here's some things I don't own anymore (all of which I'd have to acquire were I still living in Dayville):

Ice scraper
Windshield "de-icer"
Snow tires
Heavy coat
Driving gloves

Things I don't have to do any longer:

Getting up at least a half-hour earlier just to start the car so the ice melts off and the steering wheel doesn't feel like an ice cube when I get in the car.
Making sure my hair is completely dry before going outside, else I will get icicles in my hair - literally. Even with short hair like mine that happens. For the long-haired people, it sucks even worse.
Shovel snow
Salt the walkway
Run the shower for an extra few minutes just to warm up properly

Things I don't have to deal with any longer:

Car doors that are frozen shut. Of course you gotta open the door to start the frickin' car. And hopefully when you do, you don't damage the door handle or tear off any rubber insulation in the process.
Removing a foot (or more) of snow off your car. Unless you have a garage, everyone in Connecticut has had to deal with this. Takes at least a good fifteen minutes to get it all off if done correctly.
Salted/Sanded roads. Connecticut uses a salt/sand mixture to combat snow and ice conditions when present. Anyone who's ever driven a highway in the winter in Connecticut is 100% aware of that idiot who cuts in front of you, sprays your car with sand effectively pitting your windshield to crap and chipping paint in the process.
Plow trucks. People have a love/hate relationship with these trucks. On the one hand, they do an awesome job (and they do) of removing snow and ice. On the other hand, they slow down traffic to a crawl. But what ya gonna do.. you just deal with it.
Sand trucks. Most plow trucks are equipped with sand sprayers in the rear. If you're behind the truck, this is fine. However, if one is coming at you from the other side of the road, your car gets slammed with sand because the truck sprays on either side for road coverage. It's bad enough you get hit by a frontal assault of sand on the highway. Now you get nailed on the driver's side also. Lovely.
Black ice. The worst possible driving condition next to a white-out, hands down. You can't see it, but you'll know when you hit it.
White-out. The worst New England driving condition there is. The snow piles on so heavy that you can't tell where the road starts or ends. Guard rails and posts are completely covered. Curbs cannot be seen. Everything is white. You don't know whether you're on the correct side of the road or not. It's extremely frightening. And anyone who says Pff.. no big deal, they're lying. When you can't tell where the road is - it will scare the living crap out of you.
Cold coffee. The piping hot coffee you get during the winter season from your shop of choice will only be hot for about fifteen minutes in your car, then go luke warm, then outright cold. If you ever wondered why New Englanders can gulp down coffee as if they had asbestos lips, that's why.

This list could be a whole lot longer but I'll cut it short there. You get the idea.

Every year on WAAF they play a song which is a parody of Walking In A Winter Wonderland entitled Sick Of F--king Driving In New England. The song is drop-dead funny, but is 100% true on all counts. It just sucks. I never really had any love for winter whatsoever. Snow bunnies love it for the skiing season - but I don't ski or snowboard, so... what's the frickin' point, ya know? Every time I saw a bumper sticker that said Let It Snow!, I wanted to shoot that person point blank in the face with a bazooka - just because I hated winter that much.

I'm totally waiting for the day (which will happen soon) where I check CT weather and the temperature is thirty-two degrees F or lower so I can sit back with a big ol' smug grin on my face knowing I can go outside in a t-shirt and be 100% comfortable. Put it this way, after dealing with New England winters for 30+ years, being here in Florida kicks so much ass it's not funny. 🙂

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cold as a witch's teat

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