rich menga books gear search about contact
***Secret FSR Fender guitars? Yes, they exist, and they're right here

Amazon links are affiliated. Learn more.

Easter is not about candy, except it is about candy

solid chocolate Easter rabbit

It is interesting what happens when you actually read labels.

In the United States, there are two times of the year where children stuff themselves with all the chocolate they can get their grubby paws on, that being Easter and Halloween, in that order.

Easter does have legitimate religious significance in that it celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead as described in the New Testament (meaning The Bible; I suggest the King James version.) Halloween, on the other hand, has absolutely no religious significance whatsoever.

Easter candy is easy to come by in March. One of the biggies is, literally, the large solid chocolate Easter bunny.

This is where things get interesting, and this is where my little story about reading labels happens.

I'm at the market buying groceries. I get my items and go to check out. The checkout lane has a long counter before getting to the register where the clerk is, and sometimes they will place a box of discounted items the store wants to get rid of at the beginning of the counter.

The box of sale items at the front of the counter were these large solid chocolate Easter bunnies I mentioned a moment ago. All of them were broken into 2 or 3 pieces, probably because they got knocked around too much during shipment. There was nothing wrong with the chocolate and the packages were still sealed, but the chocolate was broken.

If you've never seen these chocolate rabbits, I'd say they are about 7.5 inches (19cm) tall by 3 inches (7.5cm) wide and maybe about a 3/4 inch (1.9cm) thick. Yes, this is a one big-ass piece of chocolate I'm talking about that usually weighs in between 10 to 11 ounces (283 to 312g.)

When I was a kid, I used to eat one of those chocolate rabbits every year at Easter time. Sometimes it was the solid rabbit, while at other times it was a huge hollow rabbit. I actually remember preferring the taste of hollow rabbit. Anyway, it's been many years since I've eaten one.

Out of curiosity, I picked up one of the solid chocolate rabbits, flipped over package and read the label.

230 kilocalories...

...per serving. And that package contained 4 servings.

Yes, that means that 1 rabbit had 920 kilocalories total. No, I don't know the sugar content because I didn't bother looking at that part. I'm sure it was an insanely high level.

I told the checkout girl, "Do you know this thing has close to 1,000 calories?" She was genuinely surprised. Then I said, "And this is 4 servings?" That's when the checkout girl spoke up. "That thing is 4 servings?" I said yep and had her look at the label herself.

Then she said something that just made me sad.

"Well, a lot of people are buying these because they're discounted."

I'm sure that's true, given that each one of these chocolate bricks was selling for just 1 dollar each.

As I said above, as a kid I would typically eat one of these chocolate Easter rabbits every year. I remember it taking the better part of a day to eat the whole thing. Even I as the kid who loved his chocolate far too much couldn't even finish that thing in one sitting. But oh yes, I would finish it.

The only reason I ever ate the damned thing is because my mother bought it and let me have it. And it wasn't the only chocolate I had. I would also eat Hershey's Kisses and any other candy I could get my hands on. During Easter time I would consume an insane amount of sugar. It's amazing I didn't blow up like a whale.

I don't eat chocolate like that anymore and haven't for a very long time. The most I'll have now is maybe a Peppermint Patty or a Kit-Kat bar once a week.

What I wish would happen is that anyone considering buying one of those chocolate rabbit bricks would look at the label, realize how bad it is, then just put it back and not buy it. Then after a small while, the chocolate would begin to go bad, it wouldn't be sold and it would all get thrown out...

...but that won't happen.

Instead, people will see the rock bottom sale price and consider that 10 or 11 ounces of chocolate a "good deal." No, not a good deal and never was even when it was at full sale price.

I am honestly surprised large solid chocolate rabbits are still sold in this day and age. People in America are screaming left and right that we have this nationwide obesity epidemic... and yet these disgustingly huge chocolate rabbit bricks are still being sold every March.

That's not exactly progress.

A classy guitar t-shirt for classy people

Best ZOOM R8 tutorial book
highly rated, get recording quick!


More articles to check out

  1. Where can a middle aged guy get plain sneakers these days?
  2. An HSS guitar I can actually recommend
  3. The 1,000 year disc, M-DISC
  4. The watch you buy when your smartwatch breaks
  5. This is the cheapest way to get guitar picks
  6. This is the Squier I'd buy had I not just bought one
  7. Plywood might be one of the best electric guitar tonewoods
  8. Why isn't The Whoopee Boys a cult classic?
  9. And then there were the right two
  10. Squier Sub-Sonic, the 24 fret baritone guitar from 20 years ago