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lament for the 20-items-or-less clerk

Location: Wal-Mart, somewhere in Tampa Bay Florida.

I pick up 2 toiletries and head for the checkout. Being that I have only 2 items I head for the 20-items-or-less checkout.

Sure enough, a mom is in front of me. She has a huge fat ass and is of course wearing white culottes that show every single fatty inch of her monstrous glutes. On her big-ass feet are sandals, her toenails are painted purple and to boot the color is chipped.

During her checkout, her three kids randomly pester her.

Get this!

This one too!

Hey, I'll be right back, hang on!

Of course she buys everything.

When she finally has all her crap rung up, the total is 48 items.

What does she use to pay?

A check.

Oh yes, this fat-ass white trash broad sure makes things smooth'n'easy at the fast checkout.

Did any of this make me upset?

Not a bit - for two reasons:

1. Her husband (who eventually showed up) has to bone this fat-ass whale.

Congrats to you, lucky guy. You get to bone this ass-pickled, cottage cheese boobed, Sasquatch-footed Montana-sized thing that somewhat resembles a woman.

2. The checkout clerk instantly started complaining about Ms. Fat-Ass the moment she was out of earshot.

Me and the guy behind me were laughing with the checkout clerk while she was cussing about what she just did. The reason I know Fat-Ass had 48 items at the 20-or-less checkout is because the clerk told us.

It's all just desserts as far as I'm concerned. When you do stupid crap like that enough times, employees at the store will remember you and you'll be stopped in your tracks the next time 'round.

. . .

Concerning shopping on Saturdays, here's a few things I regularly do:

I don't bother trying to get a good parking spot.

I can walk quite well and have absolutely no issue parking at the extreme far end of the parking lot if it's filled. The spots are always there, you never get door-dinged and it's easier to get out afterwards.

If there's a line at the checkout, I just deal with it.

I remember getting livid at the thought of even waiting a second longer than I had to at a checkout line. These days I really don't care. In addition, I find that silence works much better than shuffling your feet, rolling your eyes and looking like you're in some great big hurry. This works great when the idiot in front of you says "Sorry, I'm just.. um.. trying to.. [doesn't finish sentence]" and you respond only by looking at them without saying a word. This really does work.

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