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on rants and ranting

A bird from the UK (she called herself that, not I) chatted me on ICQ the other night. During the course of the conversation I told her I blogged and she went and started to read it.

She made note that I was quite opinionated. I asked her what she meant by that. She said the way I write things is well put and is a fun read when I yap about stuff.

I was confused for a bit but then learned she had gone all the way back to my early blog posts in '04 and started reading there. During that time I was basically doing nothing but complaining about stuff. And believe me, I had a lot to complain about.

I've been debating whether to write a complain-fest about my former life in Connecticut and I guess now is the time. I've been in Florida 1½ years, so why not. This style of writing totally goes back to the way I used to write on this blog.

My reasons for hating Connecticut directly stemmed from the area itself, so let's talk about that.

Driving

The roads will eat your car alive. The area is nothing but a spaghetti-tangled mess of roads. The interstates all twist and turn all over the place. You can get lost less than ten miles away from your house even if you've lived in the same town your whole life. I'm not kidding; it really happens. If for whatever reason you're diverted off an interstate, plan on driving in circles for at least an hour because you're screwed.

Side note: Now that I have GPS there is a part of me that wants to go back, visit (repeat: visit) and purposely go places I wouldn't dare go before in CT. I want to drive on those ass-backwards roads, sit with a grin on my face and say...

HA! I won't get lost NOW you Medusa of roads! I own you now!

And yes, I'd probably really say that even if I were driving alone.

Weather

Since moving to Florida I marvel at how great the weather is here. It makes me realize how bad CT weather sucks.

I've said before that you only get seven to eight weeks of pleasant weather up north. This is 100% true. At the time of this writing, that area is still enjoying wonderful weather. But soon enough it's gonna suck. Hard.

I'll say it this way: New England weather is like a guessing game where you always lose. You wake up in the morning and literally don't know what is going on outside until you actually look. There is little to no predictability whatsoever. There will be some mornings you wake up and get fooled into believing it might be a nice day until you start your drive to work. About five miles down the road only one thought manages to rattle around in your head:

I shoulda stayed in bed!

Yes, you should have. But you were stupid and went to work. And tomorrow you'll be just as stupid. Soon enough you'll be dragging your knuckles on the ground and start growing hair in places you didn't know could grow hair.

And by the way, to anyone who literally drives thru a blizzard to get to work, then brags it about it, then smugly wonders why other people didn't make it to work that day, you can eat my crap. We all know you only live less than five miles away from the job and started driving to work an hour early because you have no life and are an idiot that likes to make people look bad. Everyone hates you. And we all know you don't do anything but play games on the internet all day in your office with the door that shuts. We also know you wear a toupee. Bug off.

Jobs

The best job in CT is an office position in some stuffy half-assed run big corporation. People get these jobs by being good b.s. artists and that's the reason why your manager is a dick. He lied his way into getting the job and is extremely good at covering his ass. When something goes wrong, it's obviously your fault and never his. Ain't life grand?

Your goal is to simply do one thing: Never make your boss look bad. If you can do that, you'll have a good paying crappy job. Make your boss look good enough and chances are you can get away with doing only one real hour of work a day and spend the rest of the day just slacking off.

If you can't score that office job, get a job doing some type of menial hard labor. Granted, you'll screw up your back but you'll at least be able to afford premium cable television at home. I mean, c'mon, you gotta be able to do something at home after the on-the-job accident happens that causes you to walk with a cane the rest of your life. You got that "settlement" because of an accident due to poor work conditions, but hey.. you're wealthy! Isn't that great? Who needs to walk anymore?

Entertainment

The best choice for entertainment is your local bar. Go and get drunk. Do it every weekend. Do it twice if you can. Drown away your problems only to have them come back full force and hit you over the skull on Monday.

Either that or go to Foxwoods.. but.. it's the exact same thing as going to the bar except there's.. slot machines and.. stuff.

Charm

A one-bedroom apartment costs at minimum twice as much to live in compared to the south. Charming! Who needs a big house anyway?

If you do own a home, during the winter you will go broke because the price of oil continues to skyrocket. As we all know, people mostly heat their houses in CT with.. you guessed it.. oil. Want a real-world cost figure? You can easily spend $600 a month just to heat a 1200-square-foot house during the cold months. Wonderful!

Small side note on the above: It's almost cheaper to heat your house with electricity as insane as that sounds.

People everywhere are angry and bitter from paying high taxes, high cost of living and high everything else! Cool!

Conclusion

Connecticut sucks. It sucks. It's a puss filled boil on the ass of New England and serves to do nothing but be a complete waste of space.

If you live there, MOVE. Go to Massachusetts or Rhode Island. Those states are cool. Or you can do what I did; move as far as you can away from that state. You'll be better off. Trust me.

071012

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