Last night I went against the grain and ignored all phone calls, e-mails and IM's when I got home from work. I just ate dinner - and then went to bed. It was absolutely awesome. I slept very, very well. Today I am wide awake (for a change) and feel alert. Great feeling. I have to start going to bed early more often, it just feels so much better.
Check it out, this is what he wrote:
Normally, I agree with Michael Basil on a lot of points he brings up (Hugh Jackman Makes Van Wilder). Normally, I admire his well-written letters expressing thought out opinions on the state of the pursuit of SF (be it speculative fiction or science fiction).
But not today.
And I apologize ahead of time if I offend Michael, because I think he's a decent human being with a decent head on his shoulders.
But to say that Van Helsing was anything but a steaming pile of monkey vomit is just not accurate. From the Wolfman crawling on the walls (a motif Sommers seems unable to shed) to undead demon babies to unexplained hordes of knock-off ugnaughts, to the ludicrous plot twist of only a werewolf being capable of killing Dracula, this movie rates down in the basement with the worst Troma produced films. And I like Troma!
So many things were twisted so far beyond recognition, it's like they were just making it up as they went along. Re-imaginings and re-inventions have finally, irrevocably, gone too far. I wanted my Dracula to be a detached, almost-as-emotionless-as-lifeless, regal being of supreme evil. Not Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face.
I have to admit, the wolfman transformations deserved a second look?but there were plot contrivances that simply made no sense. Horror flicks don't need to make sense, but it helps. Glaringly, the literal litters of "young" the brides had. If vampire young are born dead?and we are specifically told they are?and if they are born hundreds at a time?and we are specifically told they are?they must have been very small, on the order of millimeters. So if they're dead, how did they grow to these huge 2-foot across necrotic amniotic sacs? If we were to invoke fantasy or horror logic, we could say that they grew because they were otherworldly, but if they were otherwordly, why would they need the science of the Monster to bring them to "life?" Wouldn't a few sacrifices or a few gallons of virgin blood do the trick?
The amazing gadgets produced before the turn of the last century?I don't know, I resist period pieces that, except for the backgrounds and costumes, could be today.
This movie is one of the very few I have ever gotten so close to walking out of?and I paid 8 bucks for Starship Troopers.
If this is what keeps Transylvania on the moviemaking map, then throw it out there "where there be dragons!"
Sorry Mike, I just can't back ya up on this one. I'm hoping you were being sarcastic.
The telephone is a great invention, no doubt about it. I mean, think of it: You pick up a receiver, do a beep-bop-bop-beep-boop-boop-bop, the recipient's telephone rings, and you can have an audio conversation. How cool is that?
It's not cool when someone says "I'll call you back in 10 minutes" and it never happens.
This happened today. A friend and I were having a conversation, and he had to go and do something - then said "I'll call you back in 10 minutes." Ok, no problem. That was at 11am this morning. It's almost 10pm now. Ordinarily I wouldn't care about this, but, we were talking about something relatively important.
Now if my luck turns out to be the way it usually is, most likely the friend will call me tomorrow and I'll start cussing him out for not calling me when he said he would. Then he'll probably tell me something which will make me feel really guilty, like, "My cat died", and he'll be all bummed out about it. You watch. Then I'll think to myself "Well, I just made myself look like a bucket of crap. Again."
The phone sucks.