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rant: musicians part 2

(part 1)

Oh man did I find the mother lode of blog posts exemplifying the pitch in all its badness. Seriously speaking, I cannot make this crap up - and I will save the band the embarrassment of their b.s. post by not linking directly to it. However I will say this: It's from a MySpace page (duh) and it's a rock band (another duh).

I'm going to copy/paste excerpts word-for-word and give the translations. Ready? Let's go.


..thank you everyone that has made this such an incredible year!

What it really means:

Thanks to the one guy that kept coming to our "shows" (including the one in some guy's basement.. that's a "show", right?) - You guys.. I mean.. guy, you rule. Uh, thanks.


[We made] a radio appearance

What it really means:

We're on the radio, but we're not saying which radio station or even what program -- BUT WE WERE ON THE RADIO! No, really.. seriously.


[We got] on T.V.

What it really means:

We were on TV! But like the radio schtick I won't say what station or program, so.. yeah. Believe what I'm saying is true even though I can't back it up.


[We're going to] get a direction for our first album

What it really means:

We have absolutely NO IDEA what we're doing.


..we are polishing off the last of our bookings

What it really means:

We're booking some crappy dives and that guy's basement again.


..a loose concept album that we are not of liberty to talk about too much yet

What it really means:

Remember how I said we have absolutely NO IDEA what we're doing? This is the same crap said in a different way. Hey, if STYX and Pink Floyd can do concept albums, so can we.. except.. we're not STYX or Pink Floyd, so uh.. yeah.

. . .

Okay, now IN ADDITION to all that b.s. (heh)..

They have some dork that "redesigned" their already crappy MySpace band page. And of course they linked to him, which is nice and all that, but guess what - that guy got owned. Totally.. 100%.. owned. Why? Because he worked for free. And now he expects that by having his crappy services linked from some no-name band, he'll get more work from it. BZZT. WRONG. You got owned, dude. I feel sorry for this sap.

Now the best part:

The band has added a guitar player. The funny part what's said about the guy:

He stuck it out and beat down the hoards of other contenders.

Okay, we'll forgive the fact that he means to say horde and not hoard, but the reason this is 10,000% laughable is because there aren't any hordes of guitar players in that area. Not a chance. Who was he up against? Two other guys? Maybe three?

Does that count as a horde?

Uh, NO.

This stuff is priceless. Absolutely priceless. I'm so glad that band posted that blog - it made my night. (heh)


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