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the cult of poop and puke

no-poop I don't have any children, and there's nothing wrong with that because a lot of people don't have kids either.

For those I know who do have children, they have the common courtesy not to talk about things that I truly, and I mean truly, don't care about.

See, what parents do is they have this cult thing going on. If you get a bunch of them together, be it internet or real life, all they do is talk about things that COMPLETELY turn the stomachs of everybody else that doesn't have children.

The top three things parents with babies talk about:

  1. Poop
  2. Puke
  3. More poop and puke

puking All the conversation revolves around poop and puke. That's it. The color of it, the odor, how often the baby does it, how much of it the baby has or spits out on a daily basis and so on.

News flash: Poop and puke are, said very honestly, awful subjects to discuss. I really, really, really don't care how much your baby poops and pukes. It's your kid; you deal with it; don't talk about it in front of me. Go find some other parents who like to talk about their pooping puking progeny, compare notes with them, and leave me out of it.

And if you're some moron who says, "It's only natural, what's your problem?" The problem is, genius, that poop and puke are DISGUSTING. Furthermore, do you honestly think that poop and puke is something I want to hear about? Seriously? Just because it happens to be coming out of your baby does not make it A-OK for discussion.

It also doesn't matter if you call it by another name, like "spit-up" or "mess". Puke is puke. Poop is poop. Don't talk about it in front of me or anybody else that doesn't have children.

End of discussion.

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