I'm a closet coffee snob

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing.

Being I am a New Englander, the way I drink coffee is "wrong" in that I add creamer and sugar. Hardcore coffee snobs will only drink black. Yes, I can drink black, but it's not my preference.

For years I drank garbage instant coffee only because I didn't know any better. I was totally okay with the freeze dried trash, but all the while knew it never tasted that good.

I then started drinking what are known as coffee singles, which is basically the same thing as tea except with coffee and brewed the same way. After a while, I stopped using these because they can get expensive quick.

After that, I started using a drip coffee maker. This was by chance. I was given an old Mr. Coffee coffee maker that was probably made in the '80s or early '90s (which I still use and clean regularly to keep it working), acquired some ground coffee, tried it out, and hey, this is tasting pretty good...

...but not quite to the flavor I like. Close, though. Very close.

Then came the point where I started grinding my own coffee beans, and when you start doing that, you're almost a coffee snob.

After trying several different types of beans, there is where I am now:

I specifically use a breakfast blend, which is a lighter type of roast. It took me going through several types of beans before I found that's the one I like best.

But where I truly stepped into coffee snob territory is when I began measuring the water and timing the brew.

I use a very specific amount of water that I measure by the lines on the side of the carafe (yes, that is what it's called, and it's pronounced like cuh-raff). And with that old Mr. Coffee I have, I determined the brew time to get my coffee exactly how I want to be 8 minutes.

That 8 minute brew gets the "sweet on top, bitter on the end" coffee flavor profile that I prefer.

While true I don't weigh how much coffee is put in (that's ultra snob territory) before brew, the fact is that using a very specific bean roast type, measuring the water and timing the brew does qualify me as a coffee snob.

If that's not convincing enough, I do use an electric coffee bean grinder, and I'm snobby about how I grind. If the grind is a fine powder when completed, too much. Wrong. Wrecks the flavor. The end result has to be mostly ground so a little more water is let through during the brewing process.

All of this is a far cry from the freeze dried trash I'd just mix in a hot mug of water. But the end result is coffee that truly tastes great.

Pros and cons to making coffee this way

Pro: Less money spent on coffee. A bag of whole bean coffee lasts longer than anything pre-ground.

Con: More time is spent making coffee. Instant coffee can be made in as little as 2 minutes. My method takes anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes.

Pro: Brewing ground coffee from whole beans smells better. A lot better. You get the cafe scent every time you brew.

Con: More stuff and maintenance is needed. A coffee grinder, container to hold your ground coffee with screw-top lid, coffee maker, coffee filters, you have to periodically clean out the coffee maker, and so on.

Pro: After a little experimentation with different roasts and brands, you figure out how to make coffee flavored exactly the way you prefer, which leads to the biggest con...

Con: Once you figure out how to make your perfect cup, anybody else who makes coffee for you tastes inferior.

This is one of those things I wasn't expecting.

I figured out how to make a cup of coffee just how I like it. This presented a new problem. Any time I have a place make coffee for me, it's not as good as how I make it.

When I'm out and about and visit any place that serves coffee, the closest I can get to a coffee flavor I like is ordering an Americano. It's a crapshoot whenever I order one because the flavor is either going to be above-average, too dark, or so watered down that I can barely taste anything.

The above photo is from a place I went to recently. I ordered an Americano, and what I ended up getting was the watered down type. Three bucks wasted.

I have visited coffee places that actually make a fairly decent Americano, but there aren't many who actually do it right, so again, it's a crapshoot every time I get one.

Making a just-right cup of coffee at home is a process, and yeah I am snobby about it, but life is too short to drink trash coffee.

Published 2023 Jun 15