10 really expensive, really awful, really ugly guitars
Just because something is expensive doesn't mean it's pretty. Here are 10 of the ugliest.
Ordinarily, when one thinks of ugly guitars, "it must be cheap" comes to mind. Oh, no. Far from it. There are expensive guitars aplenty that are seriously ugly. Every one of these makes a plain black Strat look angelic in beauty by comparison.
With that said, here we go.
Most Gibson Explorers are good, but not this one. The top elbow cut in the body makes the guitar look like something built in someone's garage that went very wrong.
ESP 40th Anniversary Custom Shop FRX
This is a guitar only a kid gamer would love, and would be right at home at any anime convention - and only there. Nobody would want to be caught dead playing this thing otherwise.
Fender Custom Shop 60th Anniversary Series Snake Head Telecaster
Fender snobs would call this guitar "historic." I call it ugly, because it is. When people think of historic Fender, they don't think of paying over 5 grand for something that doesn't even have a Fender logo on it.
ESP Jeff Hanneman Signature Urban Camo
An otherwise good guitar ruined by the "urban camo" finish. This is a guitar only a metalhead would love. Actually, correction, a stupid metalhead. Other metalheads do the smart thing and just buy a black guitar to keep up appearances. Stupid metalheads would think "urban camo" actually looks good. It doesn't.
Parker MaxxFly Signature Series Vernon Reid
A gamer kid would be in heaven with this one because it looks like a dopey game controller from the 90s. If the word "EXTREME" was painted somewhere on this junk, it would be perfect in its awfulness.
Fender Custom Shop Dale Wilson "Clown Patch" Stratocaster
If you thought this list would not include a Strat, you were wrong. The Dale Wilson "Clown Patch" Strat is one seriously dopey looking Strat guitar. This is one of the very few Strats where if I ever saw it in a guitar store, I would not touch the thing for fear of being seen playing it. That's how embarrassing this guitar is.
Dean Guitars 35th Anniversary Custom USA ML
The only kind of guy that would enjoy this guitar would drive a Ford 4x4 pickup truck with mudder tires on it, waving one American flag and one Confederate flag out of the pickup bed, a bumper sticker on one side with an American flag that states, "These colors don't run!", and a "Don't Tread On Me" bumper sticker on the other side. 'Murica! F'Yeah!
Gibson Billy Gibbons Les Paul Gold Top
Gold Top Les Paul guitars are awesome, but this one sucks. Someone went crazy with the cheap Kmart pinstripe kit and ended up with a turd of a guitar. Probably the same guy who owns the Ford 4x4 mentioned above.
Washburn Signature Series Paul Stanley PSV2200RS
Much like Paul Stanley's guitar playing style, this Washburn is tacky and tasteless. It has rhinestones on it. Let me repeat that so it sinks in: It has rhinestones on it. 'Nuff said.
Last and certainly worst on this list is the Dean Uli Roth SKY6. This guitar is, without question, the ugliest Dean I've ever seen. The body of the guitar looks like a fish, and the neck looks like it's stabbing the fish right in the nuts. Fish for dinner, anyone?
What you should be buying instead:
For something reasonably priced that looks fancy, Gretsch. For something that plays "fast", Ibanez or Schecter. For something with Fender tone, Squier Classic Vibe.
Save your money and buy one of the above instead.
Cheap import guitar of the week #14 - Squier Vintage Modified '51
This is a guitar I've considered buying several times.
The Squier Vintage Modified '51 is a cool guitar for several reasons.
First, it's cheap. Second, It's an H/S pickup layout, which you don't see too often. Third is the most interesting part about the guitar, the electronics.
There are two knobs, but it's not master volume and master tone. It's a Master Volume and a three-way rotary with push/pull coil selector...
...and that is pretty darned cool. It means you can get some genuine Telecaster "spank" out of the '51 when using the rear pickup in single mode and hot "growl" when in humbucker mode.
The coil used in single mode is the inside coil, by the way. In this case, that's a good thing, else the sound would be a bit too harsh.
Would the tone knob be missed?
No. The guitar, even though cheap, is designed in such a way where you wouldn't miss it. I certainly wouldn't. The humbucker by nature has the treble rolled off a bit, so it's not like a Strat where that tone knob is absolutely needed.
Things I like best about the '51
It's a hardtail Strat with a hot humbucker in the rear but at the same time has Telecaster-style tone options. I really dig the fact it has a maple board for the neck. I like that the guitar needs nothing. The '51 is one of those plug-in-and-go guitars where you don't have to fuss around with it.
So why haven't I picked one up yet?
It's because the guitar is the same price as a Squier Affinity Telecaster. And I really, really like the neck on that Affinity. So much so that I will probably pick one up soon. That's not to say the '51 isn't just as good, because it is. But oh, that Affinity Tele neck. A force to be reckoned with.
Multi-effect vs. single-effect guitar pedals
When it comes to pedals, I'm really particular about what I use and why.
The only effects I use right now are all contained within the DigiTech RP360, a very nice multi-effect unit. Compared to a single-effect pedal, the RP360 is big, but when compared to other multi-effect pedals, it's quite compact. It's not as compact as the Korg Pandora Stomp (I don't think you can get any smaller for multi-effects than the Pandora,) but the extra switchgear on the RP360 makes it far easier to change sounds, use the built-in looper, and so on compared to the Korg.
Single-effect pedals are not meant to be used at home
This is a fact that escapes most guitar players for some reason. The majority of single-effect pedals are meant to be used live and loud, and not in a quiet, controlled environment at a computer.
Take the classic distortion pedal, the BOSS DS-1. You play that at home, and you will hate it. That pedal was designed in the late 1970s at a time when amp channel switching didn't exist. In other words, designed for use with an amplifier. BOSS designed that pedal for use with a live rig and not a set of computer speakers or ear buds.
Take that same DS-1 and run it through an amp on a clean channel and output to a 2x12 or 4x12 cabinet, and only then you'll say, "Okay, now this pedal actually sounds pretty good."
Multi-effect pedals must have all modeling OFF when running live
"Wow, my multi-effect sounds so good at home... why is it so difficult to run through an amp?"
Answer: Amp modeling. Turn it off. All of it.
For any setting you have on your multi-effect pedal or rackmount unit that you really like, you have to create a copy of it for your live rig that has all the EQ and all the amplifier modeling 100% turned off. For example, you could name a preset "GUITAR-S" for studio and the copy "GUITAR-L" for live. Yeah, you have to do this.
"Separate your rigs" is still valid advice today
Amplifier modeling has only existed since the 1990s. Affordable amplifier modeling that actually sounds right has only been around for about 15 years.
And as far as affordable amp modeling that absolutely sounds right out-of-the-box, that's only existed for less than 5 years at the time I write this. The RP360 is an example of that.
For live rigs, however, pedals are still necessary.
The standard advice given by many is that your home rig and your live rig should be completely separate things. Do you have to do this? No, but it helps.
What makes for a good live effects rig?
The answer is simple, but some players have a really hard time understanding this.
A good live effects rig should be as stupidly easy to use as possible.
Now I'll explain what that means where your effects are concerned.
Is there any display that shows letters or numbers? FAIL.
If the effect shows any sort of number or letter on a display no matter how basic it is, that's a recipe for failure for a live rig.
Live pedal effects should never require any number or letters you have to read at any time.
Does it not have obvious knob level indicators? FAIL.
Some pedal designs in an attempt to by stylish use knobs that look good but from a standing position can't be read. That's a fail.
A quick test of good pedal design is to put it on the floor in a dimly-lit part of a room, stand in front of it and see if you can read the knobs. If you can't, the design sucks and you'll have to get some coding dot labels, clip with scissors and stick them where the knob level indicators are for extra visual assistance.
"Only old guys need to do that."
Wrong... so very wrong. It doesn't matter if you're 15 or 55 or someone with 20/10 vision. Bad design is bad design. If the knob design sucks, watch how much using cheap coding labels improves things.
Does it require a power supply? FAIL.
Every pedal in your setup should have the option of running on battery alone. If the pedal requires a power supply, that's a fail.
The only thing you should have to plug in to a wall should be the amp itself and nothing else.
Examples of near-perfect pedals for a live rig
This is a delay effect pedal, and a darned good one. The knobs are really easy to figure out, really easily seen at a distance, and the Delay knob is clear because its light pulses to the delay time you set. Very nice design all around. And yes, it sounds good too.
The Phase 90 is an old-school pedal, but then again, nothing ever needed to be changed about it. One knob and one indicator light is all you ever needed.
This is one ugly-ass overdrive pedal, but it sounds great. You will also never mistake this pedal for anything else since it's green. The Bad Monkey is straightforward simplicity. Level (volume,) low-EQ, high-EQ, gain. Simple and easy, one indicator light.
When you're at home...
...then by all means, use all the segmented, digital or whatever kind of displays you want. Use all the computers you want. Use all the amp modeling you want. Use it all. At home, you're not kicking around your gear or subjecting it to abuse of any kind, so yeah, go for it.
But when you're not at home, use a different rig that can handle being kicked around, and use one that can be read at a distance. Avoid numbered/lettered displays, use coding dot labels if you have to, and so on. Most importantly, KEEP IT DIRT SIMPLE. If you don't, you'll just end up frustrated.
Don't put a Fender Mustang bridge on a Jazzmaster or a Jaguar
For a while now I've heard that putting a Mustang bridge on a Jazzmaster or a Jaguar makes the guitar "so much better", so I bought one.
It sucks, and I'll tell you exactly why.
No, it's not for the lack of adjusting the float height, as that can be adjusted use the two black side screws.
Give up?
There is no individual saddle height adjustment on a Mustang bridge with its solid saddles. It doesn't exist. Not on Fender USA or Squier models, anyway.
The only height adjustment you have is from the two side screws for bridge height and nothing else.
Mustang bridge saddles have 3 sizes that somewhat follow the radius of the fingerboard. The 1 and 6 saddles are the smallest, the 2 and 5 middle-size and the 3 and 4 are the largest.
If you don't like those predetermined heights, guess what? You're out of luck.
On traditional Jazzmaster/Jaguar saddles, there are screws to adjust height on a per-saddle level. It's a beautiful thing. You don't get this on Mustang saddles...
...and that's why you don't put a Mustang bridge on a Jazzmaster or Jaguar.
What replacement saddles do have the saddle height adjustments?
Ask and ye shall receive: Get the Graph Tech String Saver Saddle Barrel set for Mustang, Jaguar, Jazzmaster, and Jagstang Electric Guitars. With this set, you get the solid saddles with individual height adjustment; that is what you want.
Yes, I am saying it's the saddles you want and not the entire bridge. While true you will pay more for just the saddles compared to a whole bridge with saddles, you never needed the replacement bridge in the first place.
Cheap import guitar of the week #13 - Epiphone Slash AFD Guitar Pack
I wish they sold this guitar individually without the pack. But then again, this is so cheap that it's forgivable.
What we have here is a dirt cheap Epiphone Les Paul. The price is really low. So low that the guitar alone would sell for about $89, and I wish it did, but you have to buy the pack.
The thing about this guitar that makes it worth getting is the tiger stripe finish, or as described "AAA Flame Maple top." Yes, it really is billed as that. The body is also bound. For a cheap Paul, the look of it is actually quite good. Looks nice, cheap and ready-to-rock. Can't ask for much more than that.
Guitar manufacturing is at the point where you can basically get any look you want for insanely cheap prices, and the Slash AFD pack is an example of this. It's a finish specifically made for this pack which is why you will only find it in the pack.
Worth the buy? If you like Les Pauls, I think so. Think of it the same as the Epiphone Les Paul Special I P90 in a traditional double-humbucker configuration. If you know the P90 Epi Paul, you already know this one. The main difference is the finish and the fact the Slash Paul has a traditional bridge + stop piece whereas the P90 Paul has the wraparound.
Would I personally buy this guitar? No. But if I were buying a first guitar for someone as a gift, yes I would.
If you wanted what's arguably the cheapest Les Paul that has a bound body with a flame top and isn't a Chibson China knockoff, this Slash Paul is it.