10 really expensive, really awful, really ugly guitars

Just because something is expensive doesn't mean it's pretty. Here are 10 of the ugliest.

Ordinarily, when one thinks of ugly guitars, "it must be cheap" comes to mind. Oh, no. Far from it. There are expensive guitars aplenty that are seriously ugly. Every one of these makes a plain black Strat look angelic in beauty by comparison.

With that said, here we go.

Gibson Explorer Elbow Cut

Most Gibson Explorers are good, but not this one. The top elbow cut in the body makes the guitar look like something built in someone's garage that went very wrong.

ESP 40th Anniversary Custom Shop FRX

This is a guitar only a kid gamer would love, and would be right at home at any anime convention - and only there. Nobody would want to be caught dead playing this thing otherwise.

Fender Custom Shop 60th Anniversary Series Snake Head Telecaster

Fender snobs would call this guitar "historic." I call it ugly, because it is. When people think of historic Fender, they don't think of paying over 5 grand for something that doesn't even have a Fender logo on it.

ESP Jeff Hanneman Signature Urban Camo

An otherwise good guitar ruined by the "urban camo" finish. This is a guitar only a metalhead would love. Actually, correction, a stupid metalhead. Other metalheads do the smart thing and just buy a black guitar to keep up appearances. Stupid metalheads would think "urban camo" actually looks good. It doesn't.

Parker MaxxFly Signature Series Vernon Reid

A gamer kid would be in heaven with this one because it looks like a dopey game controller from the 90s. If the word "EXTREME" was painted somewhere on this junk, it would be perfect in its awfulness.

Fender Custom Shop Dale Wilson "Clown Patch" Stratocaster

If you thought this list would not include a Strat, you were wrong. The Dale Wilson "Clown Patch" Strat is one seriously dopey looking Strat guitar. This is one of the very few Strats where if I ever saw it in a guitar store, I would not touch the thing for fear of being seen playing it. That's how embarrassing this guitar is.

Dean Guitars 35th Anniversary Custom USA ML

The only kind of guy that would enjoy this guitar would drive a Ford 4x4 pickup truck with mudder tires on it, waving one American flag and one Confederate flag out of the pickup bed, a bumper sticker on one side with an American flag that states, "These colors don't run!", and a "Don't Tread On Me" bumper sticker on the other side. 'Murica! F'Yeah!

Gibson Billy Gibbons Les Paul Gold Top

Gold Top Les Paul guitars are awesome, but this one sucks. Someone went crazy with the cheap Kmart pinstripe kit and ended up with a turd of a guitar. Probably the same guy who owns the Ford 4x4 mentioned above.

Washburn Signature Series Paul Stanley PSV2200RS

Much like Paul Stanley's guitar playing style, this Washburn is tacky and tasteless. It has rhinestones on it. Let me repeat that so it sinks in: It has rhinestones on it. 'Nuff said.

Dean Uli Roth SKY6

Last and certainly worst on this list is the Dean Uli Roth SKY6. This guitar is, without question, the ugliest Dean I've ever seen. The body of the guitar looks like a fish, and the neck looks like it's stabbing the fish right in the nuts. Fish for dinner, anyone?

What you should be buying instead:

For something reasonably priced that looks fancy, Gretsch. For something that plays "fast", Ibanez or Schecter. For something with Fender tone, Squier Classic Vibe.

Save your money and buy one of the above instead.

Published 2015 Jun 19