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The college car (and driver) 37-point checklist

  1. The car has at least one dent in it - and when anyone asks about it, of course it "wasn't your fault".
  2. There are furry stuffed animals all along the back window, either stuck to the glass and/or sitting below the window, effectively blocking your rear view.
  3. You talk on your cell phone when you drive. It doesn't matter how often or not often it happens - you still do it.
  4. You DIAL numbers on your cell phone while driving while you should be keeping your eyes on the road.
  5. When you tailgate someone (as you always do) and the person in front of you angrily looks back and possibly starts yelling at you - you laugh - as if it's perfectly ok.
  6. There's at least one bumper sticker on the back of your car that has absolutely nothing to do with education or the college you attend.
  7. There are "performance" stickers on your car, such as Moroso, JEG's and the like - but don't have any of those accessories installed on your car at all.
  8. You have something hanging off your rear view mirror that dangles down at least two inches from the bottom of the mirror - effectively blocking the center view of your windshield.
  9. Your car hasn't been washed in at least a month.
  10. There's at least one part of your car that doesn't work unless you physically hit it first.
  11. There's at least one door that doesn't open or close correctly.
  12. There's at least one window that doesn't open or close correctly.
  13. The car stereo doesn't work, or doesn't have one at all.
  14. You wear headphones and listen to music when you drive, so if a police car, fire truck or other emergency vehicle was coming down a side street - you'd never hear it coming. (Anyone who says "But I could see the lights.." I said SIDE STREET - READ.)
  15. There are fast food wrappers strewn all over the floor of your car.
  16. Your car has no spare tire.
  17. Your car does have a spare tire, but no jack.
  18. Your car does have a spare tire, and a jack, but no tire iron or bar to lift the jack.
  19. Your car does have a spare tire, and a jack, and a tire iron - but you don't know how to use them.
  20. You don't even know if you have a spare tire.
  21. There's at least one spot on one seat of your car that "smells funny" for no apparent reason.
  22. There's at least one burn mark on any part of your car due to a cigarette or joint.
  23. There's an empty bottle of booze in the trunk of your car or rolling around the floor.
  24. There's at least one seat that has a rip in it.
  25. The seat that has the rip is "fixed" with duct tape or a seat cover.
  26. The seat cover used to "fix" the rip in the seat also has a hole in it.
  27. There's at least one seat has a stain that you can't get out no matter how hard you try to remove it.
  28. There's at least one window that is cracked.
  29. You don't remember when the last time was that you changed your wiper blades.
  30. You park in handicapped spaces even though you're not handicapped; you're just plain lazy.
  31. One of your side mirrors is broken or dangling on the side of the door.
  32. The dome light doesn't work and you need a flashlight to find your way in the car at night or just "go by feel".
  33. The gauge pod lights don't work and you guess how fast you're going by the sound of the engine and/or by looking at other cars.
  34. The emergency brake ("e-brake") doesn't work.
  35. When you turn on the vents, things fly out of them (leaves, dirt, etc.)
  36. When you turn on the vents a "funny smell" comes out of them for about five minutes, then stops (or you just get used to it).
  37. There's at least one part of your car held together by rope, string, tape or a combination thereof.

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