The college car (and driver) 37-point checklist
This is the college car (and driver) 37-point checklist.
- The car has at least one dent in it - and when anyone asks about it, of course it "wasn't your fault".
- There are furry stuffed animals all along the back window, either stuck to the glass and/or sitting below the window, effectively blocking your rear view.
- You talk on your cell phone when you drive. It doesn't matter how often or not often it happens - you still do it.
- You DIAL numbers on your cell phone while driving while you should be keeping your eyes on the road.
- When you tailgate someone (as you always do) and the person in front of you angrily looks back and possibly starts yelling at you - you laugh - as if it's perfectly okay.
- There's at least one bumper sticker on the back of your car that has absolutely nothing to do with education or the college you attend.
- There are "performance" stickers on your car, such as Moroso, JEG's and the like - but don't have any of those accessories installed on your car at all.
- You have something hanging off your rear view mirror that dangles down at least two inches from the bottom of the mirror - effectively blocking the center view of your windshield.
- Your car hasn't been washed in at least a month.
- There's at least one part of your car that doesn't work unless you physically hit it first.
- There's at least one door that doesn't open or close correctly.
- There's at least one window that doesn't open or close correctly.
- The car stereo doesn't work, or doesn't have one at all.
- You wear headphones and listen to music when you drive, so if a police car, fire truck or other emergency vehicle was coming down a side street - you'd never hear it coming. (Anyone who says "But I could see the lights.." I said SIDE STREET - READ.)
- There are fast food wrappers strewn all over the floor of your car.
- Your car has no spare tire.
- Your car does have a spare tire, but no jack.
- Your car does have a spare tire, and a jack, but no tire iron or bar to lift the jack.
- Your car does have a spare tire, and a jack, and a tire iron - but you don't know how to use them.
- You don't even know if you have a spare tire.
- There's at least one spot on one seat of your car that "smells funny" for no apparent reason.
- There's at least one burn mark on any part of your car due to a cigarette or joint.
- There's an empty bottle of booze in the trunk of your car or rolling around the floor.
- There's at least one seat that has a rip in it.
- The seat that has the rip is "fixed" with duct tape or a seat cover.
- The seat cover used to "fix" the rip in the seat also has a hole in it.
- There's at least one seat has a stain that you can't get out no matter how hard you try to remove it.
- There's at least one window that is cracked.
- You don't remember when the last time was that you changed your wiper blades.
- You park in handicapped spaces even though you're not handicapped; you're just plain lazy.
- One of your side mirrors is broken or dangling on the side of the door.
- The dome light doesn't work and you need a flashlight to find your way in the car at night or just "go by feel".
- The gauge pod lights don't work and you guess how fast you're going by the sound of the engine and/or by looking at other cars.
- The emergency brake ("e-brake") doesn't work.
- When you turn on the vents, things fly out of them (leaves, dirt, etc.)
- When you turn on the vents a "funny smell" comes out of them for about five minutes, then stops (or you just get used to it).
- There's at least one part of your car held together by rope, string, tape or a combination thereof.
Published 2006 Feb 13