mystic country?

Y'know, I gotta hand it to Connecticut because they sure know how to lay it on real thick.

Where I come from in CT is called The Quiet Corner. Local townies call it The Forgotten Corner. I call it the Armpit of the State - and I can say that because even the locals there get the joke on that one - feel free to use it. You know how the Joker in Batman says "This town needs an enema"? You can use the armpit joke then say "This town needs deodorant!" Oh, come on.. that's a good one. You know it is. Say it like the Joker would to really sell it.

The only reason anybody would ever specifically vacation in CT is to go to Foxwoods. That's it. Will you have a good time if you go? If you've never been, yeah, you will. The reason the locals don't is because it's an everyday thing. They've already seen the place a million times before, so no big whoop. I'll put it to you this way: Locals go to Foxwoods just for something to do at one in the morning on a Saturday night because they're open 24/7. After all, seeing that ginormous dude shoot a green laser arrow never gets old, right? (For those who don't know, that's a presentation/thing/whatever they have in the dead center of Foxwoods that randomly plays every 20 to 45 minutes. Just look for the ginormous Native American holding the bow and arrow in the center of the place, sit and wait. It'll happen and you'll see the green laser arrow. I'm assuming it's still there.)

Here's what locals do at Foxwoods because THEY'RE JUST THAT FRAPPIN' BORED:

Face full of ass and letting yourself get dragged on the floor by the Skywalk? Entertaining enough. And yes I totally 5-starred this video and favorited it.

Moving on..

Every now and then I browse CT's tourist site when I'm bored because they keep changing stuff around constantly. Yeah, I know. Tourism in CT. Good joke, eh? Well, somebody takes it seriously in the Nutmeg State.

It would appear the entire eastern side of CT is now known as Mystic Country.

I think they passed a new law or something where someone said, "Eight counties? Too many. Screw 'em. Now there's five. And give each one a cool name."

Where places in Windham County get mentioned is in the "Things to Do" section, which should have the tagline of:

YOU WANT ANTIQUES? WE GOT BAD-ASS ANTIQUES! HURRY UP IDIOT AND GO LOOK AT OUR FRICKIN' ANTIQUES! WE GOT OLD CHURCHES AND CRAP! YEAH! AND SOME REALLY OLD FRICKIN' BUILDINGS BESIDES THAT. CAN YOU HANDLE IT? WE GOT OLD CRAP EVERYWHERE! AND COWS. THEY CRAP A LOT TOO. GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!

I'm quite sure if you have kids that they'd hate you for life if you took them antiquing in "Mystic Country".

Someone totally needs to make a spoof video called EXTREME ANTIQUING and post it to YouTube, following this format. I would favorite that and post it here on my web site in a hot minute because that would be hilarious. Truly.

I'm betting in the future the five regions will be voted down as too darned many and be whittled to two, that being "Fairfield" and "Everybody Else The State Doesn't Give A Crap About". Foxwoods will then be moved to Fairfield at massive expensive and then the rest of the state will be told to bug off.

Published 2009 Nov 20