kroger made the most boring food actually fun

One of the most boring foods on planet Earth is the saltine. Flour, salt and not much else. A saltine is never anything somebody raves about.

Kroger, a large supermarket chain, does have a house brand for their saltines. Other companies could learn from what they did because the execution is brilliant.

Saltines from Kroger aren't just saltines. They are "Me Original Crack-Arrrs". This is what Polly the pirate parrot (note the eye patch) says in her pirate-speak...

..and this puts a smile on my dial. I love everything about this. I love the pirate theme, the "SALTINES" in a pirate-like font, the sandy beach, the palm tree, the ocean in the background, the treasure chest filled with saltines (that is what you get in the box, after all).

The pirate-speak doesn't stop there. It continues on the back of the box:

See, this is how I know the parrot's name is Polly. It says so in her note, or scroll, rather.

And yes, there is a pirate ship seen in the distance. Nice.

You may be thinking this is something made for kids. No. This is what Kroger decided to do for their regular size plain boring-ass saltines. I APPROVE. This is how you bring some fun into a boring product the right way. I like this so much that I don't even bother looking at other saltines now and only get these. And it just so happens they're cheap! Great!

The only thing wrong here is that Kroger does not have a little stuffed animal version of Polly the Pirate Parrot. If they did, I would buy one. Yes, I would. If Kroger put up a little display in the aisle where the saltines are that had a limited special edition of CRACK-ARRRS with a little Pirate Polly stuffed toy (it would be small, nothing too huge), oh yes, mine. I'd buy it on the spot. Maybe have the Polly toy come with 6 saltines or something like that. Again, just something small. It would work.

I need that Polly toy in my life, what can I say.

Arrrr... love me crack-arrrs.

Published 2024 Sep 12