Smashing a guitar is a really stupid idea
This is never, repeat, never a good idea. You have alternatives.
Ever since I started playing guitar I've always run into that guy who "wants a guitar just to smash" at some local show because he thinks it will be cool.
Nope. Not cool. Never was and never will be. You can't smash a guitar at a gig for two reasons. First, the owner of the place will want to have a nice little chat with you about how you're going to pay for his damaged floor. Second, the owner will want to have a chat with you about fixing the ceiling too, because you forgot how high a guitar goes in the air when raised above your head.
But let's just say you were at a place where the ceiling was high and you could damage the floor and not care. This is what could potentially happen:
- Strings upon breaking will snap back right in your face. You've heard the joke "Don't do that, you can poke an eye out." Well, guess what? Not a joke here. A steel wire flung toward your face really can do that.
- Piece of wood can break off, tear right through your shirt or jeans and lacerate you.
- Piece of wood can break off, go flying and injure anyone near you.
- Your shoulder and/or back will get thrown out. Even if you're 18 and in the best shape of your life, doesn't matter. Once you swing that guitar over your head, you suddenly realize that uh-oh, gravity exists. And it's pulling your arms and twisting your back the wrong way. Bet you didn't think 8 pounds could mess you up that bad, right? Well, it can.
There's more bad stuff that can happen, but you get the idea.
Since some of you would ask, this is how to set up a electric prop guitar to break:
- Must have a bolt-on neck so you can purposely have the neck slightly loose for a cleaner break on impact.
- Two strings installed only. Low E and A. That's it.
- Two tuners installed only, E and A.
- One pickup installed.
- No potentiometers installed at all, meaning no volume or tone controls. Wire the guitar's pickup to be direct-to-output.
- Hardtail only. No vibrato/tremolo system because those springs will go flying, which would be bad.
- Back of the guitar has finish shaved off so you can see where the body pieces connect.
- Cut break points halfway deep into the body at the back of the guitar where the body connect areas are.
If all goes well, that prop guitar will make for a clean smash on the first hit.
What happens if you don't prep a guitar as a prop to smash? Any one of the bad things I mentioned above.
But there's one other bad thing that can happen:
It won't break.
Attempting to smash a guitar only to have it not come apart no matter how hard you drive it into the floor is really embarrassing. Oh sure, you'll drive it to the ground maybe 4 or 5 times before you get too tired to do it again. Everyone is looking at you waiting for that big finish, but it's just not happening.
If you want that guitar to break the right way the first time, you must prep it to do so, else you roll the dice and lose.
Safer alternative to guitar smashing
The easiest of the easy to get people's attention without smashing a guitar is to simply make stuff light up. You can do this without any modifications whatsoever.
Here are a few stupidly easy ways to light up the guitar and/or yourself.
A 6-pack of light-up bracelets. They can stay on with a solid light, slow flash or fast flash. Wrap some of these around your wrist and/or the headstock of the guitar and/or your guitar strap and it will get attention. Cheap, easy and effective.
A flexible light strip. It's really cheap and you can do a lot with it. Outline the body of your guitar, outline your amplifier cabinet, line the inside of a bass drum, wrap it around a microphone stand, etc. Like I said, you can do a lot with this cheap and very bright light strip.
The really nice part is that it barely generates any heat and is safe to the touch when in use. It can also be cut to length too! There are points along the strip where every 3 lights has a cutting mark (you can see it in the image above) that allows for safe shortening of the strip without having to solder/resolder.
Another nice part: It's self-adhesive. As in the peel-and-stick kind. Doesn't get any easier.
The only downside is that is does require a power adapter as it can't run on batteries. But even so, the adapter is cheap and worth it.
A 7-pack of LED lanyards is similar to the bracelets. Then can illuminate solid, slow flash or fast flash.
For some of you, these may be easier to deal with. Easy to put around the neck, on the headstock of any guitar or guitar strap, and so on.
What's the best part about lighting stuff up over smashing?
Easy answer: Reusable.
Once a guitar is smashed, it's not like you can put it back together again. Or even if you could, the guitar will never play correctly.
Light-up stuff however can be used again and again and again. It's cheap, easy to use, easy to install.. it's really a no-brainer.
Do dopey lights work to get attention? Yes. They always have, and always will.
Why are so many GPS users so stupid?
Taking a small break from the guitar stuff.
Sometimes I read Amazon reviews for GPSes just for the laughs.
Before getting into that, I recently acquired a second Garmin nuvi 50LM. I liked the first one so much that I got a second as a backup. It's a basic model, but that's exactly what I wanted because it just works.
And why am I not using the phone for navigation? The screen. I have a proper phone mount for the car, but even so, the screen reflects like crazy and is totally unreadable when wearing polarized sunglasses. The 50LM on the other hand can be read easily, and that's what prompted me to get a second one.
So anyway, on to the kooky Amazon GPS reviews.
"This gps has a problem": I just took this gps on a 2000 mile road trip the map dropped out several timed.
Gotta love the articulate ones. He's basically saying whenever he drove through a tunnel that passes through a mountain, the signal cut out. Nothing gets through solid rock like that. Not even FM radio.
"I received a defective unit": I must have received a dud. Three hours into a six hour trip it starts rebooting while in the driving mode. Go back into the driving mode and yep it would restart again. We had to finish the trip without a GPS. Needless to say, the second I got home Amazon got this thing back.
This one at least gives a better explanation, but... it's user error and I know exactly how it happened. User drove with this thing for 3 hours straight during daylight hours with this thing cooking in the hot sun, it overheated, and started failing.
I always take my GPS off the mount before leaving the car. And were I to use it on a long day trip, I'd tape a small polish cloth to the back to keep heat away from the unit and power cord. No matter who makes the GPS, if you don't shield the rear and the cord, the sun will cook it and it will fail, guaranteed.
"Font too small to easily read": A serviceable Garmin that I bought to use on a trip where I borrowed a car that lacked a GPS -- I have a better one in my own car. My key problem with this one is that the print is way too small to read unless you have perfect 20/20 vision, and the print size cannot be altered. Since I like to read the directions, thus knowing the next several steps ahead, this was inconvenient and dangerous. I had to put my reading glasses on every time I needed to read the directions, then take them off again for driving. Very hazardous on the freeway especially.
I'm surprised this person can see anything. The font size on a Garmin 5-inch display is plenty large. I wear glasses and have no issues reading the display. If this person requires reading glasses just to make out the on-screen text, that means she literally can't read the speedometer either.
Things I've learned about GPS and people
Few actually know where they're going better than before
GPS technology is the best way to learn the lay of the land while on the road, and those that know how to use electronic navigation properly don't get lost.
But that only accounts for a small percentage of drivers.
Most are still as clueless as ever. With electronic navigation, nobody should ever get lost, right? Wrong. People are still getting lost. The only difference now is that people blame the tech instead of themselves.
Nobody knows physical addresses
I don't ask anyone for directions anymore, because I'll get something like this:
"Okay. Go up about 3 lights, then take a right at where the water tower used to be..."
Yeah, this really happens.
I've always loathed the idea of navigating by counting street lights or signs, looking for certain landmarks and so on because it's just plain dumb.
All I ask for now is a physical address. But of course, nobody ever has that information. So instead I'll ask for the name of the place and hope they say the name right and that it's in the GPS locations database.
And what if it isn't? Then I don't go because I'm not about to do that ridiculous count-the-lights/landmark crapola.
I have no desire to get into a conversation like this:
Them: "Yeah, you know [insert road I've never heard of here]?"
Me: "No."
Them: "Oh. Ever been to [business name I've never heard of]?"
Me: "No."
Them: "Oh. Well, just go by [says business name again as if I'm magically supposed to know it now], then go by [insert landmark I've never seen], go up 2 lights, left at the 3rd stop sign, take a right. You can't miss it!"
Say "can't miss it" to me and I will wish death on you.
Anyone who calls GPS "Getting People Stranded" is an idiot
For anyone you see that says this as a 'funny' joke, it means they break any technology they come into contact with. These are the same idiots who (still) say "READ A MAP!" and are so technologically inept that they'd break the keypad on the microwave oven if given the chance.
Go ahead, Mr. 'Funny', read your map and crash into a pole afterward. Be my guest. Have fun. Go away.
The reasons why electric guitars do not use XLR
This is a valid question, and the answer is probably not what you thought.
If you've been around any musical equipment at all, you've seen the familiar 3-pin XLR connector, and it was almost certainly on a microphone cable. You've also probably seen XLR ports on various mixers and recorders. For example, the ZOOM R8 recorder has a pair of XLR ports in the rear (which are actually combo ports that can accept 1/4" or XLR).
What types of XLR are there? This depends on how many pins are present. XLR can have up to 7 pins and has varying applications. Anything from stage lighting control systems to intercom systems to pyrotechnic equipment and so on.
The one I'm concentrating on is the 3-pin XLR technically known as XLR3. This is a standard for balanced audio signals.
What would the main advantage of XLR be on an electric guitar?
The main advantage is length of cable.
With normal 1/4" guitar cable you'll usually start hearing signal loss at lengths over 20 feet (6m.) Sure, you can buy 25ft (7.6m) or even 35ft (10.7m) guitar cable if you want, but it won't sound good because the signal will start dropping to the point where it will annoy you. Stay at 20 feet or fewer.
And how long can XLR go? You can easily use a 100ft (30.5m) length and well beyond that with no problem.
The second advantage of XLR is a stronger resistance to interference.
Examples of certain guitar types that do have XLR
Acoustic-electric guitars do exist with the appropriate pickup and XLR connector on board.
And you can get it fairly cheap!
Example: The Ibanez AEW40ZW-NT
This is an acoustic-electric where you can choose standard 1/4" or XLR, meaning yes, this guitar can plug direct into a mixer or PA with no problem at all and sound great. Ibanez decided to separate out the 1/4" from the XLR, which is still easily accessible and works just fine.
Aside from the acoustic-electrics, there are also electric basses (usually of the high end boutique variety) where like the acoustic-electrics you can output to 1/4" or XLR as well.
Has there ever been a "100% electric" guitar with XLR on it?
Yes. To the best of my knowledge there were some made in the 1970s, but absolutely none were regular production model guitars. Alembic for example did craft such a guitar, but of course it was a low production unit.
The most recent electric guitar that I'm aware of that had the real-deal XLR was the 2010 Gibson Les Paul Limited. It did have a combo port described by Gibson as follows:
The Les Paul Standard 2010 Limited's multi-function output comprises an Amphenol XLR female 1/4" stereo combo receptacle (the XLR cable requires a male-to-male adapter or cable). Used with a standard mono guitar cord this supplies individual or blended magnetic and piezo pickup signals, according to the player's control selections.
Used with a stereo (TRS) cord and an external accessory box (both available separately), this feature allows you to split the piezo and magnetic signals to individual amps or PA or recording channels, further multiplying the Les Paul Standard 2010 Limited's sonic capabilities.
This model was a very high-tech guitar with all sorts of electric crapola in it, including the infamous MCK (Master Control Knob) along with low-impedance preamp and so on.
The whole thing was rather ridiculous, but yes it was an example of actual XLR on a solid-body electric guitar. It was not semi-hollow nor acoustic-electric.
What is the main disadvantage of XLR on an electric guitar?
Noise.
A piezo pickup on an acoustic-electric guitar is a very low-output pickup. It has to be that way so the signal is clean when sent over the wire. And where the guitar's preamp system is concerned, its job is to boost and shape the signal cleanly, which it does. When the preamp is at the guitar, this allows the least possible interference to be introduced when the signal is amplified as it's the shortest possible distance from pickup-to-preamp.
A regular electric guitar pickup on the other hand has much greater output compared to a piezo or vocal microphone. You output that over XLR and a ridiculous amount of noise will occur. As in BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ with absolutely no effects applied. Totally unusable.
What is the second biggest disadvantage of XLR on an electric guitar?
Bad tonal character.
I will tell you exactly how to emulate what "the XLR sound" would be on an electric guitar.
Take any acoustic-electric guitar. Run it through a distortion pedal. That's it.
Even without an XLR connection, that's the tone you can expect. A brittle, nasty, trebly, boomy frickin' mess with feedback galore. You can adjust the preamp EQ all you want, but it won't make any difference whatsoever.
If you had XLR on your solid-body electric ran through regular pickups, that's the sound you'd get.
Could good electric guitar tone ever come from XLR?
Highly unlikely. It's not that it can't be done, but rather that guitar players simply wouldn't accept it.
XLR itself isn't the problem, but rather voicing a set of pickups and effects that players would go for.
A common tone guitar players chase after is that sweet tube-type amp sound when the tubes are "juiced" up nice and hot.
That sound can only be had when the electric guitar signal is sent to an amp where the end result sound is allowed to "break up." And this breaking up is a combination of the signal, how the tubes affect it and how the loudspeakers themselves (usually Celestion) project as more volume is added.
Making that sound happen over XLR naturally and not emulated where it's good? That's a challenge I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
It is all about the tone in the end
If it were true that going from unbalanced 1/4" to balanced XLR resulted in the exact same electric guitar sound either way, guitar companies would have switched over to it 40 years ago. But that's not how things are. What's used now does in fact make for the best electric guitar sound you can get.
Some say the reason guitar companies stick with 1/4" and don't switch to XLR is because of cost and no other reason. I disagree with that because it's far from just a connector issue. It's a tone issue, specifically revolving around pickups and getting them voiced right.
And besides which, the only real advantage one can get out of XLR on a solid-body would be greater cable length. If that's the goal, just go wireless and enjoy a range of over 70ft (21m.) Length problem solved. No need to reinvent the wheel.
How a light touch improved my guitar playing
My playing improved significantly when I learned not to bang strings hard.
A Squier Standard Telecaster is a great simple guitar, although what I'm about to say applies to pretty much all electric guitars.
In my earlier guitar playing years, I used to play hard. I used nothing but heavy picks, grabbed strings tight during play and really raked over frets whenever I did string bends.
I don't do that anymore and haven't for a long time. After a lot of experimentation and researching how many other famous guitarists play, I came to the realization that "resetting" my guitar for light-touch play tremendously improved my playing ability.
In the old way I used to set up my guitars, there was basically no way I could hold down a fretted (as in "barred") 6/9 chord. Heck, I even had trouble playing standard major barre chords.
I had the thought that maybe if I lowered my strings and adjusted the bow of the neck so that it was as flat as possible without causing string buzz, that may help out.
I was right. It did. But not without a few tradeoffs, which I'll talk about in a moment.
My old way of setup was a neck set with a somewhat-generous back bow and semi-high string action. Setting up a Fender style neck (as in 25.5" scale, Modern C shape, 9.5" radius, medium jumbo frets) this way allowed me to do 2 and even 3 semitone bends with no fretting out whatsoever. But between frets 5 and 12 it was somewhat difficult to hold down a barre chord. Power chords were always easy, but full fretted chords weren't.
My current way of setup is to have almost no bow with super-low action. Same style neck shape, but now I can fret full chords almost anywhere. The only place I can't hold down full fretted chords on the neck now is after the 14th fret. Yes, this means I can hold a full barre chord at the 14th if I wanted to. Not that I would, but I could.
The drawback to this setup is that I fret out fairly easily for anything over a 1 semitone bend. There are some areas of the neck where I can get a 2 semitone bend, but certainly not 3 anymore...
...and this is something I consider an acceptable tradeoff mainly for the reason I don't play heavy metal anymore.
With the change in neck setup, I switched over to medium-thick picks. The Fender California Clear in that thickness is my pick of choice. Prior to that, I used almost nothing but Dunlop Tortex in .88mm thickness. As for why I didn't switch to the Tortex in .73mm or .60mm, the Fender California gives a much brighter attack when playing clean, whereas the Tortex's edges are a bit on the muted side.
Finally, there was something else I had to do: Learn to play lighter. This took some time to adjust.
With hard rock and metal, the distortion effect covers up a lot of non-desirable noises an electric guitar makes. With cleaner styles like country, jazz and surf, every single non-desirable noise is heard.
I found that it was my playing style that made a lot of those unwanted noises happen more than anything else, and the only solution was to learn how to play lighter. So that's exactly what I did.
In addition to playing light, I also started using fingers to pluck with a lot more. With the pick I strike the strings as I normally would, and with fingers I'll do short pulls on the strings and snap them back to the frets. This allows me to go between fingers and pick almost effortlessly. In my old days of slamming strings hard, this would have never worked. But with a hybrid style with a light play style, it does work.
I should also note that there in fact are a lot of metal players who have adopted a light style of play, but for different reasons. The setup is more or less the same with low string action and an almost-flat neck bow. But the metal player's goal is to make for easier soloing and not for chording. And as for strings bends, the solution there is not to bend at all, and instead use a Floyd-Rose system to accomplish the same goal.
Not much in the way of fret hand fingers are used, but with the pick the metal guys go the opposite route I do and use a super thick pick with rounded edges so little to no strike or "squeak" noises are heard when playing solos using high distortion.
In the end, the light style of play really does make a difference and I'm glad to have switched over to it. Again, the only real drawback is that I can't do crazy note bends. But the fact I can fret full chords in so many more places on the neck now makes up for it.
Mid-2000s Fender Strats are cheap right now
Buying used is always a risk. Buying any guitar over 5 years old is also a risk. But if you're willing to take the plunge, certain mid-2000s Fender Strats are dirt cheap right now.
Take a 2005 Fender Strat Deluxe. The price is $350 at the time I write this, and it's all original. Why so cheap? Because it's Made in Mexico, commonly known as a MIM Strat.
But don't worry, there are plenty of mid-2000s MIM Strats out there right now, many of which are in barely-played pristine condition selling for around $350 to $400.
To put this in perspective, a new Player model (which I assume is replacing the MIM Standard as it's not listed on Fender's web site anymore), is significantly higher in price.
Dealers desperately want to move the older MIM Strats
There are an untold number of MIM Strats in new or like-new condition collecting dust at guitar dealers all across America. And I can assure you that me writing about this publicly won't inflate the price of these guitars, because these dealers want them gone now.
The bulk of these MIM Strats are from 2005 to 2015, and it's not just the Standard. You'll find many models including Deluxe, HSS, HH and so on, with the majority selling for under $400 just to get them out the door.
Where you'll get the best deals are mid-to-late 2000s models, meaning 2005 through 2009. The longer these things sit at guitar dealers, the more desperate they get to move them.
If you decide to get one...
...this is what you need to know.
1. NEVER buy anything listed as "modded" and/or "upgraded"
This means the guitar has been screwed up by the previous owner. Always. Avoid these. Only buy a MIM in all-original condition.
If you want to mod/upgrade the guitar after you buy it, go right ahead. Just don't buy one that's been modded/upgraded by someone else.
2. There is no warranty.
All these MIM Strats are obviously well past their Fender 1-year warranty.
3. Don't buy it to flip it.
This means buy it to play and not to sell, because MIM Strats never have good resale value.
Happy hunting!