don't use the big goodbye

The Big Goodbye is something stupid people use in a seriously lame attempt to make themselves look smart when in fact it makes them look dumb.

In other words, TBGs are used by attention whores.

TBGs are best shown by example, so here's a few.

1. "..and I will never return to this site again!"

Foul! You're lying.

The use of the word never means the exact opposite. Not only will you return but do so several times to make darn sure your stupid comment/post is there and seen.

See, here's the thing. If you truly did not want to visit a particular web site ever again, you'd simply stop and would never announce it. When you announce, you're an attention whore. You are that whiny little four-year-old brat waving his or her arms for attention and might as well be screaming "LOOKIT ME! LOOKIT ME!"

2. "I'm unsubscribing!"

Foul! Nobody cares, and what you're doing has the exact opposite effect of what you think it has.

The "I'M UNSUBSCRIBING" b.s. happens on YouTube and for other sites that use a subscription-based medium, such as newsletters.

What the mouth breather doesn't realize is that whenever they do this they're attracting *more* subscribers. They think that they're pulling some grand maneuver and that it's TOTALLY INSULTING to say "I'M UNSUBBING nanna-nanna boo-boo!". Um, no. You just attracted more subs, so you're nothing but a big pile of fail.

3. "X was better the way it used to be"

Foul! You like things to be old, crusty and predictable while everyone else doesn't.

X can mean anything, be it a web site, forum, YouTube channel, author's content or whatever. The idiot blurts out that X was better Y time ago and that everything should go back to the way things were. This type of idiot is a back seat driver, and sincerely believes they speak for everyone. Um.. nope. Nobody cares.

This maneuver technically isn't a TBG, but it usually precedes one.

4. "I don't think people appreciate your.."

Foul! No one elected you leader, jackass.

Your mention of people (and/or community) means you honestly think that you speak for everyone. Maybe in your own little world you do, but only there. Nobody asked you to speak for everybody, nor do they want you to. Nobody cares what you think, so shut your face.

5. "I'm going to tell everybody about [insert TBG user's inane bile here] and to NEVER to go to your site!"

Foul! You're lying. Again.

"Everybody" means nobody. Nobody cares about what you think about a certain web site or person. Repeat: They don't care. Why? Because "everybody" doesn't want to hear you complain about something you saw on the internet.

But let's say for the moment you do know people. Guess what happens? The exact opposite. You telling your friends about a web site you hate will prompt them to go to it.

Thanks for the free publicity! I should piss you off more often.

6. "A truly smart person would have.." / "Someone didn't do their research.."

Foul! Attempting to hide an insult makes you even more of an asshat.

Something like this usually precedes a TBG.

So you thought you'd be all smooth 'n' smarmy by indirectly taking a jab at the author's intelligence. What you're trying (and failing) to do is hide a direct insult. The reason you're doing this is because if the author replies and says you're launching a personal attack, you'll reply and say, "I was never talking about you... it could have been anybody!" Wrong, jackass. You were talking about the author and everybody knows it. Stop being a douche nugget, because everybody can see right through that.

So kids, the lesson is this: Don't use a TBG unless you want to be instantly pegged as an attention whore with an IQ of a caveman.

solid gold

I ran across a YouTube video concerning the oft-forgotten show of the 80s, Solid Gold, so I figured I'd say a few words about it.

Solid Gold was a television show that ran for eight years from 1980 to 1988. And yes, I watched it. Anybody who's in my generation has watched that show at least a handful of times. Maybe not as much as Star Search (which I know everybody watched), but it was there in the fray.

What was the reason to watch Solid Gold? The dancers, of course. The girl dancers sometimes wore outfits that were so skimpy that I'm surprised it made it to television. On one particular episode they decided to wear fringe-style skirts with "nude" colored underwear. It made me do a double-take as a kid. "HOLY CRAP THEY'RE NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR!" Obviously that wasn't true, but wow it sure looked like it. If I had a photo of it I'd show you. Remember, this was the 80s. No internet. This was as hot as it got.

The only thing besides the dancers on the show were the performing acts. Everything was lip synced, of course. And sometimes the artist would perform with the dancers, even if only in a limited way.

Where did the Solid Gold countdown list come from?

The entire point of the show was to have a weekly list of the most popular songs and count them down to #1 for whatever week it aired. Obviously, to make that happen, they needed a list of current songs that was updated week-to-week.

Where did this list come from? Radio & Records magazine and NOT Billboard. Did this mean the list was accurate? Not in the slightest. It accounted for airplay and not actual record sales.

Also, given that television shows are recorded in advance, this show was never completely current with its top lists. It just wasn't possible.

Was Solid Gold soft adult video?

Just about. Some of the dance routines were nothing but stripteases except the clothes stayed on.

Of course, this was the reason why you watched the show to begin with. :)

Why were some of the outfits so unbelievably tacky?

Solid Gold started in 1980. During that time there was still a lot of 1970s style floating around and that carried all the way up until around 1984. And then of course there was the 80s that was tacky-extreme. But that was the style then.

In the earlier episodes of the show you will see a disco ball. Watch for it.

What was the point of Solid Gold when there was MTV?

MTV first went on-air in August 1981 roughly one year after Solid Gold debuted. Did everybody run out and get cable TV so they could watch MTV? No. In fact, most people didn't bother to get cable television until the very-late 80s, and it wasn't until well into the 90s that just about everybody had it.

Do I miss Solid Gold?

Nope. The show was just a neat little quirk of that which is the 80s that most people forgot about. And to be honest it is a very forgettable show. You've seen one episode, you've seen them all.

But those lady dancers.. mm.. HOT. :)

aim chat rooms

For grins last night I decided to check out AIM chat rooms. The last time I used one of these was.. well.. I don't even remember the last time I used one.

AIM chat, formerly AOL chat, has always been something of an oddity. For a ton of people out there it was the very first live-chat environment they ever used. The only chat older than AIM chat that still exists is IRC - and IRC sucks.

There is a Tampa Bay specific chat room on AIM, so naturally that's where I went. I was happy to see one there. In fact I think AIM is one of the very few chats left that actually has truly local rooms.

What happened when I chatted was typical whenever I get involved in one of these things. Most liked me, a few tolerated me, one outright couldn't stand my presence and blocked me (heh). Par for the course. :)

Here's the crazy thing: I actually liked AIM chat. So weird to even say that. It is oh-so rare for me to like chat at all. The only other chat I like is when I do the live tech show I do. Even though that's IRC and IRC is crappy, it's still cool regardless.

The cool part about AIM now is that you can embed chat right on your web site, so I did for the Tampa Bay room. Who knows, you may catch me in there every so often.

ART X-15 Ultrafoot

The ART X-15 Ultrafoot is one of the absolute ugliest electronic music items you will ever lay eyes on. It is, unfortunately, the world's most popular MIDI foot controller. Fortunately today it looks a whole lot better, but for years the above photo is what it looked like. It's also fortunate there are new MIDI foot controllers that are much, much better and cheaper than the X-15 ever was.

I have one of these fugly things in my possession right now on loan from the singer in the band I'm in. When he brought it into practice for me to take back and program for my DigiTech GSP 1101, I instantly recognized the X-15 because you can spot that awful fuchsia color a mile away.

True to form it is a workhorse controller and built like a tank. It's designed heavy on purpose so it doesn't move around while on the floor. It also works well but for some reason I can't get the GSP 1101 to recognize the expression pedals. No biggie.

Thank God this thing spends its life on the floor so nobody sees it when playing out.

New England and Florida phone area code geekery

For whatever reason I've always been really good at remembering just about every phone number I've ever had, even though I'm allergic to mathematics (I sincerely suck at that.)

People hold their phone numbers near and dear to them, no question. In fact most people can remember how mad they were when the telecom companies started changing around all the area codes in the 1990s.

Prior to the 1990s, all phone numbers in the US had a middle digit of a 0 or 1. In many instances, most states had only a single area code. This was easy because you could easily identify a state simply by that three-digit code and nothing more. Population expansion and wireless phones changed all that to what we have now.

It is at a point where people really like those old-school area codes that have middle-zeros or middle-ones in them and will purposely seek them out. We seem to remember these better than others. Why I have no idea; we just do.

~ ~ ~

The first area code I ever had was Connecticut 203. This was back at a time when that code covered the entire state. Then in 1995 a new overlay was introduced, 860. Everybody hated this and most people still do to this day. Whenever I see it, I think, "You got 86ed." It's just a crappy area code designation.

What's even worse is that 203 was degraded to only cover a tiny part of the southwestern corner, adding further insult because I swear, the state reserved 203 for the super-wealthy only. This made the rest of the state residents feel like crap. And yes it did have that much of an impact.

Two more codes are coming for The Constitution State, 475 (which is already somewhat in effect) and 959.

In Massachusetts it was really easy to figure out where you were calling as it had three area codes for the longest time, that being 508, 617 and 413. Boston area was 617. Everybody else I knew was 508. I never had to call 413 because I didn't know anybody in that part of the state.

In MA there are currently nine area codes. Yikes. The days of remembering what area code goes where are long gone.

Rhode Island, thankfully, still has a single area code, 401.

Maine also has a single area code, 207.

I don't know anything about New Hampshire or Vermont as I never called anybody there.

If I ever lived in CT again (which I don't plan on doing,) I would purposely go for a 203. The way I'd do it is somewhat ridiculous. First I'd sign up with a Vonage account, specifically seek out a 203, register it, transfer the number to a cell phone after that, then cancel Vonage. It's an ass-backwards way of doing it, but it beats fighting with the local Telco who will outright say "NO" if you request it. You can only get your 203 in other parts of the state if you registered it thru another service first and have a phone carrier transfer it (which they are required to do by law.)

~ ~ ~

Florida has a whopping total of 17 area codes. Yeah, way too many, right? Unfortunately that's the way it is.

There are certain ones that are better than others. I'll start with mine.

The area code I have is the very old-school 813. This is the second area code ever introduced into The Sunshine State, so I can claim bragging rights on that. :)

Locals here hold 813 very dear to them. In fact they sell baseball caps that say 813 on them, to say yes, "I live in the 813." I might even buy one in the future. The 813 code is also the only area code in FL history that has a middle-one in it.

My father's area code (he also lives in FL) is 352. Doesn't sound like much, however there is some cool-factor to it. 352 spells FLA on a phone keypad.

The other area codes of FL that are worth going for are the following:

321 - This is the easiest area code in America as there isn't any 123 (or any area code that starts with 1 for that matter.) This covers the Orlando and surrounding areas.

386 - Geeky area code representative of the Intel 386 CPU. Covers Daytona Beach and surrounding areas.

305, 407, 904 - These are all old-school codes because of middle-zeros. 305 Miami-Dade is the oldest in the state and at one point covered all of FL, 407 is Orlando, 904 is Jacksonville.

Concerning the 813 I have now, I'm definitely keeping it. Even if I moved over to Pinellas County I'd just transfer the number because all they have currently is that craptastic 727.

~ ~ ~

My suggestion for anybody is to purposely seek out a middle-zero or middle-one area code - especially if it counts for what that number used to cover. The old-school nature of them really clicks with people and makes your number more memorable.