If I could travel back to the '90s, would I do it?

Yes.

But only for a month.

Search around the internet for anything '90s, and you're certain to find comments from people saying if they could travel back in time and live in that decade forever, they would do it.

Would I? Yes, but like I said, it would be only for a month. Thirty days in the 1990s is more than enough, and I'd be relieved to come back to the 2020s.

Things I did like

I like the cars of the '90s. A lot of them. Cars by Chevy, Ford, Dodge, Honda, Toyota in this decade were just plain cool.

The clothing styles of the '90s were great. Not necessarily for the look but rather because of comfort. A standard "grunge" look is jeans, flannel and boots. You really can't go wrong with this, even today. It's a style that's both comfortable and wears for a long time. Certainly better than the garbage of the '80s that wore out so quickly.

Video game consoles were made like tanks, and the games were great for the most part. Huge improvement over the '80s stuff. Whether you went Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis, you got something truly good. The consoles were so overbuilt that most of them work perfectly fine even now, and that includes the controllers.

The movie theater experience in the '90s was pretty good. Not quite as good as the '80s, but still better than the 2000s (it's been downhill ever since the 2000s decade).

FM radio in the '90s was the best there ever was, no question about that. What was then known as shock jocks were actually daring and funny.

Things I did not like

Most of this is the stuff people have conveniently forgotten about, but I haven't.

Not a cheap decade

Cable television had a huge price spike, you still had to pay for long distance calls, cell phones and phone service was really expensive, clothes were expensive, and many other things went up in price.

And were the prices of cars, apartments and houses truly cheaper in the '90s? Not really. If you don't believe me, you can run any inflation calculator online and see for yourself. '90s prices for the most part were higher compared to now.

Anything labeled with an "e"

Internet was a new thing in the '90s, so anything internet was electronic, meaning to sound modern, slap an e in front of it, and job done. eThis, eThat, eTheOtherThing. Whatever. Even if the product had nothing to do with the internet, it didn't matter. That stupid e got slapped in front of it anyway.

Goatees and Mullets

I've never had a mullet hairstyle on my head nor ever had a goatee on my face. But I knew plenty of dudes that did. Some had both going on at the same time.

I remember seeing more goatees than mullets, and I know why. It's because a goatee is acceptable in both blue and white collar jobs while the mullet is not. But that doesn't mean it looks any less goofy.

Seeing women's butt cracks poking out of the tops of jeans is not attractive. Never has been, never will be. Regardless of how hot the woman is, seeing butt crack is a no-sale.

A woman wearing low rise jeans is the female equivalent of a dude wearing jorts.

If I had to live in the '90s for a month...

...I'm certain that I'd be saying "Get me out of this '90s hell!" after being there just two weeks. Yes, I am saying I wouldn't even last the month.

What music could I listen to? I've already heard it. What movies could I see? I've already seen them. What places could I go to? I've already been to those places before.

I couldn't talk to my friends of that decade, because all they'd see is a middle aged "old" guy. I couldn't talk to my parents or relatives of the era either, because I'd be a total stranger to them at the age I am now. And I certainly couldn't stay at the house I grew up in.

All I could do is just visit places, which I would. But that would get old quick and I'd just want to leave.

And even if it were possible to go back to the '90s at the age I was then knowing what I know now, that wouldn't work either. Yes, I would avoid some mistakes since I would know in advance what's coming, but then make new bigger mistakes that I never would have expected. There would just be no way to win, assuming there's even a victory to be had.

I understand the phrase "you can never go home again" all too well. That time in my life, that '90s, has passed. And if somehow I was able to travel back in time and actually live there for a quick spell, I'm 100% certain my reaction to it would be that of apathy.

Living in that period of time would also be very inconvenient.

Going back to a '90s way of living would be awful

I don't want to go back to a world where there is no GPS, all cell phones were huge bricks with no text messaging, internet connectivity was at dial-up speeds, and the only way to get a decent photograph was on film.

I also do not miss answering machines, writing checks to pay bills, mailing out said checks (which cost extra because envelopes and stamps aren't free), CDs that skipped, floppy disks, no USB, anything labeled "EXTREME" (or XTREME, which is just as bad), and so on. I miss none of that.

Some may say that the '90s were simpler times. And they were. But it was simpler in an annoying way. There's simple good and simple bad. The '90s is simple bad.

I could say much better things about the 1980s, 2000s and 2010s, and maybe I will at some point. But as for the 1990s, I remember that time. I was there. I lived it. It wasn't that great. Other decades were better. Anybody who thinks otherwise is just fooling themselves.

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Published 2021 Jan 12