5 things you should never do on Facebook

First of all, have you not seen Lamebook? Go there. Read. Learn. Moving on..

1. Poking

This feature should be banned like asbestos. It is something reserved for teenagers who think it's "cute." It isn't. This is why there's a checkbox in the settings to not be notified of pokes, because even Facebook knows it's stupid.

2. Trying to be funny

If you have ever tried to be funny, you fail. Like faceplant fail. You're not funny, you never were funny and you will never be funny. So stop trying. You suck at it. Funny is a natural thing, and nature did not smile kindly upon you in that respect.

3. Hitting on people

For every good hook-up off Facebook there are 100,000 bad ones. Sure, you've heard the stories of how people got together or even got married because of Facebook. They were lucky and hit that 1 in 100,000 shot. You won't.

4. Posting a status update while drunk

After a rousing session of shots you post a quick "F--K YOU ALL!111!!" Then then next day more than half of your friends drop you like a brick. Don't wonder why.

5. Sending out a bazllion requests for crap nobody cares about

Be my super friend! Join my cause! Support this [whatever]! Nobody cares. In addition, that app will probably be busted/broken in six weeks or less, so don't bother. What matters most will always be photos, wall posts, emails and replies. That's it. If you want to be a good Facebook doobie, stick to what works.