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I may have been born yesterday, but...

Unfortunately I was a TAXI member at one point in time. Yes, I got suckered in by the sales pitch, spent several hundred dollars and got two things: Jack and S--t, and Jack left town. TAXI is a stupid worthless "service", if you can call it that.

TAXI every so often will spew out something to try to get you to buy their lame service. Here's an e-mail I got today. And no, it's not a spam - this is an actual sales pitch by TAXI:

THE $405,000 MISTAKE
THAT SAVES YOU TONS OF MONEY

(Sorry to say, this is a TRUE story!)

Dear Passengers,

Frankly, I'm embarrassed to even tell you this story. But in the end, it DOES benefit you, so I might as well spill the beans.

The person who was in charge of sending out TAXI renewal notices for nearly two years was either tremendously stupid or just plain lazy. I'm putting my money on lazy!

One of her jobs was to search our database for all the people whose memberships were about to run out every month, and send them renewal notices.

After she left TAXI to go back to college, the person who replaced her discovered that she wasn't sending out notices to ALL the people who should have received them -- just SOME of them. In fact, she didn't increase the number of renewal forms we ordered so we could keep up with the ever-increasing numbers of people who would need them.

The result? She had to be printing out several hundred MORE mailing labels each month than we had forms to put them on. She HAD to be throwing out hundreds of labels per month for nearly two years!

When we did the math, we realized that her laziness cost TAXI more than $405,000 in renewals over time. What was even more disturbing to me was how the members must have felt not even being ASKED to be part of TAXI for another year.

We've tried to figure out exactly who GOT the forms and who DIDN'T, but in the end, it was impossible to know for sure.

My solution? To offer the same STEEP discount to ALL the people on the list whether they truly qualify for it or not. This seems like the only fair way to deal with the problem.

What makes it even MORE advantageous for you is that we are seriously thinking about raising the renewal rate to $229 this year -- we've had the $199.95 rate in place for nearly 13 years, and have not raised the price even though our expenses have gone up year after year.

Your price to renew right now? Just $199.95!

That's the price we offer our members who renew before their existing membership runs out. Thanks to Little Miss "I don't give a damn," you just saved $100.

Oh well . . . no biggie, I'd really like to see you come back. If for no other reason, you can still get TWO FREE tickets to this year's Road Rally -- our members-only convention coming up in just a few short months.

We're moving the Rally to the same hotel that houses the Hollywood Rich and Famous for the Oscars, so it's going to be better than ever. The ballroom we'll be using is the very same room they use for the Governor's Ball after the Oscars are given out!

You'll be right in the heart of Hollywood this year instead of our usual airport hotel location.

Wait till you see the rooms you'll be staying in -- they're awesome!

But you know what? The best reason of all to come back to TAXI isn't just the glitz and glamour of coming to a convention in the heart of Hollywood. In the end, it's about your needs.

Do you need to move forward with your music?

Do you need to have us help you make the connections you don't have time to make yourself?

Do you need feedback from our industry pros?

And the one question I'm dying to know the answer to: What have you done with your music since your TAXI membership ran out?

Success in the music industry rarely comes from a one-shot effort. Are you continuing to work on getting your music heard by people who can make things happen for you? If the answer is "No," then why not?

Sure, I'd like to see you renew your membership, but TAXI may not be what you need right now. Whatever it is, I encourage you to NOT let your dreams die. Stay active. Hire a coach. Find a co-writer. Send us your guitar/vocal demos and let us help you determine which of your songs are the ones worth finishing.

If you DO decide to take advantage of my offer to renew for just $199.95, please click this link:

[link removed]

to join online before May 20, 2005.

You can also join by phone. Simply call our toll-free number [phone removed] and say "I'm an inactive member who wants to take advantage of Michael's special offer for inactive members."

I look forward to working with you again!

Warm regards,

Michael

Okay "Michael", you're an idiot for several reasons:

1) It puts a real warm feeling in my heart (said sarcastically) that you employ stupid people. Why in God's name would I pay for a service that is KNOWN TO EMPLOY LAZY IDIOTS?

2) She "went back to college"? That means you're hiring STUPID COLLEGE INTERNS handling MY ACCOUNT INFORMATION?!

3) You ADMIT that you don't "know for sure" how hundreds, possibly THOUSANDS of accounts were handled?

4) You're considering RAISING YOUR RATES when your company makes hundreds of thousands of dollars ALREADY? I guess you must LOVE ripping people off and will SOAK people for every cent they're worth!

"Michael", you've sent out what has got to be one of the absolute worst sales pitches in known history.

"Yes! Sign up with us! We hire college intern idiots who lose your information and couldn't give a crap whether you exist or not! And we'll continue to do so! We openly admit we fumble information, and gladly do so just to take more money from you later, claiming a big mistake! (Oh boo hoo, sorry we screwed you!) We're stupid! We admit it! Give us your money!"

No thanks.

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