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sense of humor

I recently started using the Yahoo! Personals again. As I said prior some months ago, I have no shame in admitting I use the online personals and I have no issue stating in public that I use them. And, in typical fashion my personals profile takes a much different approach than most; I simply type up something simple, keep it light, make no demands and state nothing negative (such as "must not be/have [this/that/whatever]").

Have I been successful? Too early to tell, but I am trading e-mails with a few girls at the time I write this, so it looks good so far.

Something that hasn't changed about the personals at all is the stupid crap that so many girls put in their ads, such as...

"Sick/Tired of..."

Putting this in a personals ad is just plain stupid. It could be "sick of bar scene" or "tired of games" or whatever; it's all the same. My response? Like I give a crap. You're a depressed moron that probably pops meds just for fun. Go away.

"Love my dogs"

Y'know, last time I checked, the personals were for human interaction, not for your stinky pets. If you felt it necessary to put that in your personals profile, it probably means you think your dogs are your "children" - and that's just plain scary because it's just one step away from being a crazy cat lady, except it's with dogs instead and you're not even middle-aged yet.

The workout freak

Ever wonder why "hardbody" girls are always in the personals? It's because they're undateable. Not only are they dog lovers (see above), but they walk like men, always list their interests as "volleyball, rollerblading, hiking, kayaking" and whatever other sport you can think of, claim to be "sensitive" but at the same time can bench press more than most men.

At that point a girl is not a girl. She's just a "workout buddy". Guys don't want that at all.

And why is it that a workout freak girl always shows a profile picture of her with her dog (of course), wearing stupid sunglasses and a baseball cap? Yeeeeah.. that's real feminine. Can you detect my sincerity?

"Sense of humor"

This tired old line never, repeat, never escapes the online personals. All girls want a guy with a sense of humor. They say this and never get any more specific because as you know, there are several kinds of humor. Will she get specific? Of course not.

Old photos

Girls still think it's okay to post photos of themselves that are THREE YEARS OLD (or older). Hot tip: Digital cameras are cheap. Very cheap. Buy one. Snap several photos of you. Post to your profile. And yes, darn it, it's just that simple.

You say you're not that good at computers and photos? You're lying because you were able to post the old ones. If you can do that, you can post new ones. You have no excuse.

"Fun loving"

Translation: Slut.

Photos with beer in hand

Because after all, a guy loves nothing more than a girl that can drink him under the table (especially for those of us that don't drink like yours truly.)


Translation: Bitch.

"Love my family"

Translation: Mommy and Daddy must approve of you.

. . .

There are more, but the above is just a small example of instant turn-off's.

Girls, if you want to score a decent guy, stop with the generic b.s. and start with something that's actually worth reading. If you b.s. your way thru a personals profile, do you honestly think anyone respectful will respond to you?

Think about it.

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